Oh my dear. Your writing is magnificent, and I know this firsthand. I’m so sorry you’ve been low (and that I’ve been delayed in connecting with you). I’m really looking forward to our meeting. I’m confident you’ll feel great after we do! ❤️😘
I've found myself thinking this year is terrible as well (for various reasons) as well. But I like your perspective - perhaps it's our chrysalis year...
Cathy, I cannot tell you how many people have contacted me to say this year has been challenging for them! Clearly, there is something in the air. I wonder if there are knock-on effects that linger from Covid. I’m sorry your year has also been difficult. I am hoping for better times for the both of us :)
I definitely still think there’s a Covid hangover of sorts. Especially for women who took on a lot of the mental load of home schooling etc during that period. It was like we never got a chance to process it all before we were plunged into the chaos of fast paced life again. I didn’t mind the world stopping for a while but I know others really struggled.
Exactly! My situation was a little different as cancer had already put me into a sort of isolation. I was just coming out of my heavier treatment when Cvoid hit, and I had a lot of resentment about going back into isolation again. Obviously, I understood, and as I was still on a form of chemo, it was vital for me to isolate anyway. I think that having faced several years of it was a big hit on my psyche!
Thank you for writing about this year. It has been a gnarly year for me as well…but I count my blessings, I and my loved ones are still healthy and safe, that says something! I started writing three months ago. English is my second language, I, too, am from Hong Kong. Here is my first posting. Enjoy!
Hi Wen, thanks for sharing your piece. What a wonderful idea to draft your obituary. I bet that was very freeing and confronting all at once. I remember a saying I heard that suggested that in order to be happy, we must simultaneously please the ‘self’ we were at eight and the ‘self’ we’ll be at eighty. Your post reminded me of that innate need. I'm sorry to hear your year has been a tough one, too. I am sending you hopes for better times to come! :)
This hit really hard! This too was going to be my year, but health challenges and a series of disappointments have made it feel like a slog. It's good in a way though, in that I'm learning to approach things differently, and growing inwardly instead of trying to force things outwardly. That's my lesson, anyway. I've been wanting to move for a long time, it's very cool you and your husband are so adventurous! Any idea where you'll land?
I'm so sorry to hear that your year has also been a series of disappointments. I've heard from many people that their year has been challenging. I love the lesson you've taken from it! I keep returning to the idea of 'If not now, then when?' I don't want to spend any more time putting my energy into things that are destined to come to an end anyway.
Ah, I'm not sure how adventurous we are! We think we're going to move a little closer to the city! Haha Where would you like to move if you could?
It's all good! On the other side and seeings so much more clearly now! I do really feel it all happens for a reason. 'If not now, then, when,' is such a powerful affirmation! I'm with you on being more careful where my energy goes. I'm thinking so much more strategically about my long term vision and how to create it, and no longer chasing quick fixes and instead pursuing the longer, slower route but the one that will hopefully create a solid foundation for something lasting.
Moving closer to the city sounds fun! Personally I am so done with living in crowded places, but the idea of it sounds very appealing, and I totally get some people really vibe off that energy. It's fun when there's a buzz in the air.
We are considering moving to Florida! I'd love to find a mid-sized town, maybe small city by the beach, and just live a peaceful, quiet life. Hopefully in the next year or so. My husband has finally agreed to move, but the logistics are always more challenging than the idea. :)
I’m so glad you’re on the other side and seeing things more clearly. I feel like that’s where I am, too :)
Hey, I hear you about not wanting to live on top of one another! I don’t want that either, so we’re being really careful with where we look and trying to find the perfect house. It’s tough as my husband has only ever lived in cities and gets a bit bored if we’re too far out. I, on the other hand, need NATURE! We’re lucky that LA often can have the perfect mix of both.
Oh wow, Florida is beautiful! That’s so exciting. I have such fond memories of taking family holidays there when I was a kid… sand beaches, which seem to stretch on for eternity! Good luck with your next steps! :D
I often feel that same overhanging doom of wanting to get the next phase “just right and then I’ll feel content” cycle that doesn’t actually exist. Slowly realizing how much I need to just be in the present — and you’ve reflected on this so beautifully. I haven’t experienced what you have, but your writing is gorgeous. I hope your book gets published in your Butterfly Year 🦋
Thank you so much, Violet. I completely agree that the perfect phase doesn’t exist and that because of that, many of us are setting ourselves up for failure! I think there’s a part of me that believes I shouldn’t ever have to suffer again because of what I’ve been through. But then, life obviously doesn’t work that way! Regardless, if we’re all navigating the balance of successes and disappointments in our lives, this year has felt out of whack. As you say, hopefully, next year will see some of my dreams come true! :)
Your title on this drew me in. It reminds me of a quote by Brianna Wiest, which I'm going to absolutely butcher but is along the lines of "you're finding things hard because you've changed and that's not a bad thing". When things we thought would feel good, don't, like your house, maybe it's a sign that now you're destined for bigger things. Something like that; sorry I can't find the original to do it justice! But thank you for sharing. Your image of growing new wings is a beautiful one x
Lucy, thank you so much for your thoughtful comment and for sharing this wisdom. It really resonates with me. I definitely think a lot of the foundational cracks I’ve discovered this year have been the result of growing pains. I keep coming back to the idea, “If not now, then when?” So many things in my life apparently weren’t serving me. And as painful as that’s been to learn, I’d rather know so I can move on! :) xx
Thank you, my love! And thank you also for your support, advice and understanding as I've been weathering these disappointments. You're a wonderful friend <3
You ARE somebody. Carry that with you as you grow away from the hurts of the past. I am touched by your honesty, Emma.
Thank you so much, Deborah! I appreciate your kind words and that you took the time to read and support my writing :)
Oh my dear. Your writing is magnificent, and I know this firsthand. I’m so sorry you’ve been low (and that I’ve been delayed in connecting with you). I’m really looking forward to our meeting. I’m confident you’ll feel great after we do! ❤️😘
Thanks, Christine! I can’t wait for our meeting, too! Thank you so much for all your support and wisdom :) xxx
I've found myself thinking this year is terrible as well (for various reasons) as well. But I like your perspective - perhaps it's our chrysalis year...
Cathy, I cannot tell you how many people have contacted me to say this year has been challenging for them! Clearly, there is something in the air. I wonder if there are knock-on effects that linger from Covid. I’m sorry your year has also been difficult. I am hoping for better times for the both of us :)
I definitely still think there’s a Covid hangover of sorts. Especially for women who took on a lot of the mental load of home schooling etc during that period. It was like we never got a chance to process it all before we were plunged into the chaos of fast paced life again. I didn’t mind the world stopping for a while but I know others really struggled.
Exactly! My situation was a little different as cancer had already put me into a sort of isolation. I was just coming out of my heavier treatment when Cvoid hit, and I had a lot of resentment about going back into isolation again. Obviously, I understood, and as I was still on a form of chemo, it was vital for me to isolate anyway. I think that having faced several years of it was a big hit on my psyche!
Oh, I can only imagine how that would have felt.
Thank you for writing about this year. It has been a gnarly year for me as well…but I count my blessings, I and my loved ones are still healthy and safe, that says something! I started writing three months ago. English is my second language, I, too, am from Hong Kong. Here is my first posting. Enjoy!
https://open.substack.com/pub/wenlau3/p/my-obituary?r=s22x5&utm_medium=ios
Hi Wen, thanks for sharing your piece. What a wonderful idea to draft your obituary. I bet that was very freeing and confronting all at once. I remember a saying I heard that suggested that in order to be happy, we must simultaneously please the ‘self’ we were at eight and the ‘self’ we’ll be at eighty. Your post reminded me of that innate need. I'm sorry to hear your year has been a tough one, too. I am sending you hopes for better times to come! :)
This hit really hard! This too was going to be my year, but health challenges and a series of disappointments have made it feel like a slog. It's good in a way though, in that I'm learning to approach things differently, and growing inwardly instead of trying to force things outwardly. That's my lesson, anyway. I've been wanting to move for a long time, it's very cool you and your husband are so adventurous! Any idea where you'll land?
I'm so sorry to hear that your year has also been a series of disappointments. I've heard from many people that their year has been challenging. I love the lesson you've taken from it! I keep returning to the idea of 'If not now, then when?' I don't want to spend any more time putting my energy into things that are destined to come to an end anyway.
Ah, I'm not sure how adventurous we are! We think we're going to move a little closer to the city! Haha Where would you like to move if you could?
It's all good! On the other side and seeings so much more clearly now! I do really feel it all happens for a reason. 'If not now, then, when,' is such a powerful affirmation! I'm with you on being more careful where my energy goes. I'm thinking so much more strategically about my long term vision and how to create it, and no longer chasing quick fixes and instead pursuing the longer, slower route but the one that will hopefully create a solid foundation for something lasting.
Moving closer to the city sounds fun! Personally I am so done with living in crowded places, but the idea of it sounds very appealing, and I totally get some people really vibe off that energy. It's fun when there's a buzz in the air.
We are considering moving to Florida! I'd love to find a mid-sized town, maybe small city by the beach, and just live a peaceful, quiet life. Hopefully in the next year or so. My husband has finally agreed to move, but the logistics are always more challenging than the idea. :)
I’m so glad you’re on the other side and seeing things more clearly. I feel like that’s where I am, too :)
Hey, I hear you about not wanting to live on top of one another! I don’t want that either, so we’re being really careful with where we look and trying to find the perfect house. It’s tough as my husband has only ever lived in cities and gets a bit bored if we’re too far out. I, on the other hand, need NATURE! We’re lucky that LA often can have the perfect mix of both.
Oh wow, Florida is beautiful! That’s so exciting. I have such fond memories of taking family holidays there when I was a kid… sand beaches, which seem to stretch on for eternity! Good luck with your next steps! :D
I often feel that same overhanging doom of wanting to get the next phase “just right and then I’ll feel content” cycle that doesn’t actually exist. Slowly realizing how much I need to just be in the present — and you’ve reflected on this so beautifully. I haven’t experienced what you have, but your writing is gorgeous. I hope your book gets published in your Butterfly Year 🦋
Thank you so much, Violet. I completely agree that the perfect phase doesn’t exist and that because of that, many of us are setting ourselves up for failure! I think there’s a part of me that believes I shouldn’t ever have to suffer again because of what I’ve been through. But then, life obviously doesn’t work that way! Regardless, if we’re all navigating the balance of successes and disappointments in our lives, this year has felt out of whack. As you say, hopefully, next year will see some of my dreams come true! :)
Your title on this drew me in. It reminds me of a quote by Brianna Wiest, which I'm going to absolutely butcher but is along the lines of "you're finding things hard because you've changed and that's not a bad thing". When things we thought would feel good, don't, like your house, maybe it's a sign that now you're destined for bigger things. Something like that; sorry I can't find the original to do it justice! But thank you for sharing. Your image of growing new wings is a beautiful one x
Lucy, thank you so much for your thoughtful comment and for sharing this wisdom. It really resonates with me. I definitely think a lot of the foundational cracks I’ve discovered this year have been the result of growing pains. I keep coming back to the idea, “If not now, then when?” So many things in my life apparently weren’t serving me. And as painful as that’s been to learn, I’d rather know so I can move on! :) xx
Definitely! Growth is painful, but as you've said in this post, beautiful too 🥰
yes! yes! yes! elequontly said and I love the reframe!
Thank you, my love! And thank you also for your support, advice and understanding as I've been weathering these disappointments. You're a wonderful friend <3