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Viv McGrath's avatar

That made me laugh out loud! I have lived my life doing something that scares me. When you step out of your comfort zone that’s where the most exciting opportunities lie.

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Emma Vivian's avatar

I’m so glad! You have to laugh, don’t you?

Yes, you definitely have! It has been a huge inspiration to me 🧡

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Jess Austin's avatar

This is so relatable and I think every writer (no matter how experienced) has some level of impostor syndrome. It must be a side effect of spending so much time locked in our own heads and feeding those neuroses! Well done for going, it's so brave to be scared and do it anyway.

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Emma Vivian's avatar

Thank you so much, Jess! I really appreciate that. I’d been imagining that I was alone in these thoughts but of course, I’m not!

I have a goal of one day going back for a book signing of my manuscript—if it ever gets published!—so I thought getting the practice in would be helpful 🙂

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Jess Austin's avatar

I know exactly what you mean, until we share a thought or experience and someone says ‘me too’, it’s so easy to feel like we’re the only one! That’s an AMAZING goal and such a good, practical step to take towards making it a reality - you’ve got this!

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Emma Vivian's avatar

Ah thank you! ☺️

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Victoria Veldhoen's avatar

Love this (I'm also a writer who went to AWP). You 100% did belong there, the same as all the other writers. And that Zadie quote is fire.

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Emma Vivian's avatar

Thank you so much, Victoria! I’m glad you enjoyed it. We have to laugh at our own neurosis, don’t we?

Did you enjoy AWP? What was your favourite part of the weekend?

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Victoria Veldhoen's avatar

I loved AWP. My favourite panel was one on writing during authoritarian regimes and I loved an offsite memoir reading. This was also my first time on a panel so that was fun! Did you have a favourite panel?

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Emma Vivian's avatar

That sounds amazing! And wow, you were on a panel? What was the subject?

My favourite panel was about handling family relationships in memoir. It was fascinating and so inspiring 🥲

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Victoria Veldhoen's avatar

I was on a panel about ghostwriting since I’m a ghostwriter. :) And ooooh, the family relationships in memoir sounds great! Was that the same as the family secrets one? That one was by my former advisor and I loved it!

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Emma Vivian's avatar

Oh, amazing! How did it go?

Oh, I’m not sure! It was basically about how you handle writing the ‘truth’ about tricky family history in a memoir… and how it affects relationships after the fact.

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Meg Flores's avatar

LOL are we ok? I loved this, so real and heartfelt <3333.

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Emma Vivian's avatar

ARE WE THOUGH?! The jury is still out lol

Thank you so much for reading. I’m so glad you enjoyed it! 🧡

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Meghan Winkler's avatar

Yes, I love this. In both big and small ways, we have to do the things that scare us! I especially love the section about the writers who were interesting people simply because they did the things that interested them. I’m currently trying to relearn that one myself. :) thanks for sharing!

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Emma Vivian's avatar

Thank you so much for reading, Meghan! I’m really glad you enjoyed it :)

And yes… I can’t stop thinking about interesting people doing interesting things. I, too, lost that skill and am attempting to relearn it. I plan to write more about this! 🙌

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Meghan Winkler's avatar

Good! I’ll follow along :)

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Emma Vivian's avatar

Yay!!

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Maureen C. Berry's avatar

Hi Emma, I had FOMO bad this past week. I know a handful of writers who attended. Did you attend Jeannine Ouelette’s sex writing session? I heard it was standing room only.

Found you through Daniel (can't remember his last name) oncology MD, he shared your Stack. Cancer warrior here!

Thanks for the nudge. My biggest writing fear is sharing who I “really”am. Ack, but I'm also a badass so this Spring, I’m diving in the deep end and switching up my Substack a bit.

Ps, LOVE the denim.

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Emma Vivian's avatar

Hi Maureen! Great to 'meet' you here, thanks for reading 😃

I didn't attend that, but I wish I had! It sounded incredible. My favourite panel I attended was on navigating family relationships in memoir. It was fascinating.

I totally understand fearing sharing your whole self. Writing is one thing, but putting it out there is entirely another. I'm working on that myself right now and posting on Substack is really helping!

Wishing you luck with switching up your Substack! 🙌

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Chloe Ackerman, PsyD (she/her)'s avatar

I went to the virtual AWP in 2021, and it was so inspiring! Such an amazing experience! But I was really glad it was virtual because my anxiety would have been through the roof if it were in person. You are so brave and powerful, and yes - you belong there.

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Emma Vivian's avatar

Aw, thank you, Chloe! It’s honestly helping to hear from other people that they would be nervous, too! I thought there was something fundamentally wrong with me lol 😂

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here, hold my coffee's avatar

I chuckled at the metal chair comment 😂. Also, love the denim jacket.

I didn't even realize that a writer's conference was a thing! I would have had the same exact anxieties you did, especially if I attended alone (you go, queen!). Imposter syndrome can be such a bitch. Thanks for sharing your thoughts! What were some of your favorite parts of the event?

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Emma Vivian's avatar

Haha, I’m glad I made you laugh! They really were VERY hard 😂

Thank you! This is my favourite jacket. It has applique seagulls on the back, and I got it on Etsy for only fifty bucks!

The AWP conference/book fair is an annual occurrence! I definitely recommend it if you can go next year. It’s literally thousands of book nerds listening to panels and buying books!

Thank you for validating my fears! I honestly was so nervous, so I’m proud of myself for going 🥲

My favourite part was the panels. The speakers were so interesting. I particularly liked the panel on tackling family relationships in memoir!

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Nicole Meier's avatar

I love this wrap-up. The first time I stepped into the lobby of a writers conference (San Francisco), I felt a lot of what you felt. But I also felt that I'd *finally* found my people. Book people!

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Emma Vivian's avatar

Thanks so much for reading, Nicole!

I also felt that way! I think I let the nerves get ahold of me a little too much. But I’m proud of myself for going, and next time, it’ll be less scary! 😊

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Sheridan Cass's avatar

You belong there!!!! Thank you for sharing this, I loved reading it and living vicariously through you 😄 And the observation that the agents seem young, but actually that means you may be old…that is exactly the same thought I’d have to.

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Emma Vivian's avatar

Thank you, friend! I’m so glad you enjoyed reading it 🧡

haha, it was such a funny thought! Like, what happened?! Where did the time go?!

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Sheridan Cass's avatar

I turned 35 years old this month, and it’s been a bit of a perspective shift 😄

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Emma Vivian's avatar

Yes, I just turned 36! But I still feel 29 🥲

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Stephanie Weaver's avatar

Oh gosh, I so wish I had known you were going! I was a first-timer as well and wore almost EXACTLY the same outfit! I was nervous too, and I'm 63. I'm DEFINITELY not an "MFA writer" which is definitely the skew of that conference. But I had so much fun!

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Emma Vivian's avatar

Oh darn, Stephanie! I wish I had known, too! It would have been SO lovely to meet you and also to have had a friend 🥲

Did you have fun? What was your favourite panel you went to? 🧡

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Stephanie Weaver's avatar

OMG it was so incredible.

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Stephanie Weaver's avatar

I did! I was so excited to meet in person so many folks I have met in various online spaces over the years. I may be going next year, so let’s be sure to stay in touch. My favorite panel (I only went to 3) was Writing Sex with Jeannine Ouellette. Incredible.

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Emma Vivian's avatar

That’s amazing! I wish I’d thought to reach out to people, I just had no idea who was going!

But yes… if you go next year, let’s meet up!

Oh, that sounds like a brilliant panel!

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Sheri Handel's avatar

I apologize for being so entertained reading about how nervous you were over the weekend. Well done, both on getting through the doors to the conference and on your telling of it. Thanks for posting this!

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Emma Vivian's avatar

Haha, no apologies necessary! That was absolutely my goal! If we don’t laugh at ourselves, what’s the point, right? 🧡

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Sheri Handel's avatar

Every. Single. Day. ❤️

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sonja ringo's avatar

Aww so fun!! Proud of you for going regardless of the nerves. I loved reading this 💗

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Emma Vivian's avatar

P.S. there were a TON of poets and poetry panels. Really cool!

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sonja ringo's avatar

😍😍😍

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Emma Vivian's avatar

Thank you, Sonja! I wish you were there too so we could’ve met IRL! And then gone Billie spotting after haha 🧡

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sonja ringo's avatar

sounds like the actual perfect day <33 i wanna move to LA now lol so much fun stuff always going on!! perhaps my US passport shall come in handy..

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Emma Vivian's avatar

Haha! LA is so much fun! And we have the best weather, hikes and beaches! 🙌

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