"What if I treated hope as a daily effort—an attempt, not a destination?"
This line really struck me. It reframes hope not as something we either have or don't, but as a verb, something we actively do. It’s easy to get caught up in the idea that we should always be hopeful, but the reality is that sometimes, we need to work at it. And perhaps that daily work, that conscious effort, is what makes hope all the more meaningful. It becomes a choice, a commitment to ourselves, rather than just a feeling. Love it 🩵
Thank you so much, Alexander! That is where I’m at in my thinking after everything I’ve been through. Sometimes it’s really hard. But I’ve lived through enough dark days with a defeated mindset, and I’ve cultivated hope even when I didn’t want to, and I know which one feels better!
I don’t think people remain static over their lives. I’ve been more of an optimistic at times, a pessimist at others, a realist during a lot of times. Maintaining optimism in today’s world though isn’t an easy feat. It’s an everyday choice for most people that they have to make over and over again in spite of evidence challenging their viewpoint
You’re SO right, Tracy! We change over time, absolutely! I definitely wasn’t an optimist when I was in cancer treatment… and yet surviving cancer requires you to imagine a life where it doesn’t recur, and what’s that if not pure optimism?!
I couldn’t love this more Emma, you’ve summed it up so beautifully. The complexity of our relationship with optimism, hope, fear and uncertainty. I’ve lost 3 good friends over the last few years, all far too young and one of the losses really knocked me for a long time. We were almost the exact the same age and very similar. I couldn’t make sense of it all. I can’t image what your experience must have been like, but thank you so much for sharing it. Beautiful, honest writing.
Thank you so much, Kate. You are so kind. And I’m very sorry for the loss of your friends. It’s a very hard kind of grief to live with, because it’s always tied to a sense of great injustice when someone so young dies. I hope you’re doing ok 🧡
I got the flu virus at 27 and ended up with ME, had to quit my job when I got bedbound and then a few years housebound I’m still not recovered 16 years later (there’s no cure) My dad died when I was 30 from cancer, 3 days before Xmas. That Xmas and the Xmas after were horrible and people said he wouldn’t want you to be sad but you just can’t help it. I don’t have survivors guilt and I don’t know your friend or your friendship but I know if she was truely you friend she’d want you to do all the things you’d said you do, that you want to do, that you now can do and to be the best happiest version you can be. She would want the absolute best for you.
Thank you so much for the kindest comment, Helena. I so appreciate it. And you’re absolutely right… she would want the best for me!
I’m so sorry to hear about the loss of your Dad, and right before Christmas, too. Of course, you were sad. And I’m so sorry about your ME, too. Having really struggled with fatigue during chemo and then for a long time after, I can relate to how awful that must feel.
Thank you so much for commenting and joining our community 🧡
Yes - recovery was not instant. I had to apologize and offer real actions to rectify the harm I accidentally caused. I had voiced the truth, but instead of one person getting the email. 60 people in the community received it. Even writing this brings back horrible pain and tension. AND i learned from it. AND a few people needed to hear the horrible truth. AND our community fell apart, and then repaired itself over time. Not better than ever, but differently and honestly. It was a very hard 6 months.
Love this reintroduction to your work and a window into the amazing resilient person who makes it possible. Hope, as you point out, is a choice - and how we arrive at that destination is not one-size-fits-all.
"I soon realised it would require something unfamiliar: an attempt at self-love."
This line really hit hard in that respect. As most know, it's difficult to talk about mental health, so I appreciate your vulnerability and willingness to "face the beast." For men especially, talking about our feelings is not something that's really taught and is often seen as a potential weak spot. I appreciate how you're helping reshape the narrative for all of us through your own story.
Your optimism is a kaleidoscopic prism- full of color, complexity, and vibrancy. As both a reflection of time passed and where things may go it's a powerful lens- I'll be reading.
This is the kindest comment. Thank you so much, David. I’m always grateful for your support!
I completely agree with you about men’s mental health. I think it needs to be given far greater attention in our society. It’s hugely problematic how men’s emotions are policed by society at large. It may sound strange, but I always celebrate a man who can cry! I think being allowed to show the full range of human emotions is key to feeling accepted 🧡
Hi Emma, I believe we have agency in who we are and how we approach the world, so choosing to try to be an optimist makes great sense to me. I wrote on this a little while ago too. We have the opportunity (and the responsibility) to choose who we are and who we are to become.
Some of this was made clear to me as I went through chemo and medical trials for pancreatic cancer. I wonder if the chemo burned off some of the bullshit, some of the fear, some of the confusion we live with.
Anyway, I am choosing to pursue happiness, which is a close cousin of choosing to be an optimist.
your words give me pause, especially when my inherent optimism has been on the decline of late. a conscious decision, something you decide upon even when it may be easier to take a different path. i like it and will (attempt) to practice. it may be the one thing that we can control in our lives.
I’m a glass half full human. Always have been. Even after events like losing a dear friend at 19 then my best friend at 25. After a child with an eating disorder that nearly killed them, after moving country a few times, after the breakdown of a marriage. Even after being in a very precarious financial situation. Still positive.
I mean, I oscillate, don’t get me wrong. But mostly see glimmers and goodness.
I’m so sorry for the loss of your friend, that really is so tragic and so young. This is a beautiful essay. I’d say I hover between realist and pessimist with occasional spurts of Optimism! I guess our life experiences does this to us, and it’s up to us to take back the steering wheel when we can 💗
Thank you so much for your kind comment, Tracey! 🧡
To be honest, I probably am the same as you in that I jump around depending on my mood! But given my anxiety, it certainly can feel like I’m stuck in pessimism sometimes! My Mum says she’s a cautious optimist, and I always thought that was a funny thing to be lol
Loved this Emma! Like you, I am definitely a work in progress when it comes to optimism - some days I nail it, other days not so much! But always trying!
I resonate so much with this post. I always experience so much joy and hope whenever I read your writing. Maybe it's not your exact reason for on this platform, and while optimism can be a choice, it's also infectious ❤️ looking forward to reading more of your stuff 😊
"What if I treated hope as a daily effort—an attempt, not a destination?"
This line really struck me. It reframes hope not as something we either have or don't, but as a verb, something we actively do. It’s easy to get caught up in the idea that we should always be hopeful, but the reality is that sometimes, we need to work at it. And perhaps that daily work, that conscious effort, is what makes hope all the more meaningful. It becomes a choice, a commitment to ourselves, rather than just a feeling. Love it 🩵
Thank you so much, Alexander! That is where I’m at in my thinking after everything I’ve been through. Sometimes it’s really hard. But I’ve lived through enough dark days with a defeated mindset, and I’ve cultivated hope even when I didn’t want to, and I know which one feels better!
I don’t think people remain static over their lives. I’ve been more of an optimistic at times, a pessimist at others, a realist during a lot of times. Maintaining optimism in today’s world though isn’t an easy feat. It’s an everyday choice for most people that they have to make over and over again in spite of evidence challenging their viewpoint
You’re SO right, Tracy! We change over time, absolutely! I definitely wasn’t an optimist when I was in cancer treatment… and yet surviving cancer requires you to imagine a life where it doesn’t recur, and what’s that if not pure optimism?!
I would say I am a pessimist, but a pessimist is an optimist who never has to be disappointed.
So true, Parrish! My honest answer is that it depends on the day! My anxiety does make it feel like I’m a pessimist a lot of the time, though.
I couldn’t love this more Emma, you’ve summed it up so beautifully. The complexity of our relationship with optimism, hope, fear and uncertainty. I’ve lost 3 good friends over the last few years, all far too young and one of the losses really knocked me for a long time. We were almost the exact the same age and very similar. I couldn’t make sense of it all. I can’t image what your experience must have been like, but thank you so much for sharing it. Beautiful, honest writing.
Thank you so much, Kate. You are so kind. And I’m very sorry for the loss of your friends. It’s a very hard kind of grief to live with, because it’s always tied to a sense of great injustice when someone so young dies. I hope you’re doing ok 🧡
I got the flu virus at 27 and ended up with ME, had to quit my job when I got bedbound and then a few years housebound I’m still not recovered 16 years later (there’s no cure) My dad died when I was 30 from cancer, 3 days before Xmas. That Xmas and the Xmas after were horrible and people said he wouldn’t want you to be sad but you just can’t help it. I don’t have survivors guilt and I don’t know your friend or your friendship but I know if she was truely you friend she’d want you to do all the things you’d said you do, that you want to do, that you now can do and to be the best happiest version you can be. She would want the absolute best for you.
Thank you so much for the kindest comment, Helena. I so appreciate it. And you’re absolutely right… she would want the best for me!
I’m so sorry to hear about the loss of your Dad, and right before Christmas, too. Of course, you were sad. And I’m so sorry about your ME, too. Having really struggled with fatigue during chemo and then for a long time after, I can relate to how awful that must feel.
Thank you so much for commenting and joining our community 🧡
Yes - recovery was not instant. I had to apologize and offer real actions to rectify the harm I accidentally caused. I had voiced the truth, but instead of one person getting the email. 60 people in the community received it. Even writing this brings back horrible pain and tension. AND i learned from it. AND a few people needed to hear the horrible truth. AND our community fell apart, and then repaired itself over time. Not better than ever, but differently and honestly. It was a very hard 6 months.
I’m so sorry, Elizabeth! I can absolutely imagine your horror. Thank you for making me feel less alone 🧡
keep writing!
Love this reintroduction to your work and a window into the amazing resilient person who makes it possible. Hope, as you point out, is a choice - and how we arrive at that destination is not one-size-fits-all.
"I soon realised it would require something unfamiliar: an attempt at self-love."
This line really hit hard in that respect. As most know, it's difficult to talk about mental health, so I appreciate your vulnerability and willingness to "face the beast." For men especially, talking about our feelings is not something that's really taught and is often seen as a potential weak spot. I appreciate how you're helping reshape the narrative for all of us through your own story.
Your optimism is a kaleidoscopic prism- full of color, complexity, and vibrancy. As both a reflection of time passed and where things may go it's a powerful lens- I'll be reading.
This is the kindest comment. Thank you so much, David. I’m always grateful for your support!
I completely agree with you about men’s mental health. I think it needs to be given far greater attention in our society. It’s hugely problematic how men’s emotions are policed by society at large. It may sound strange, but I always celebrate a man who can cry! I think being allowed to show the full range of human emotions is key to feeling accepted 🧡
So sorry for the loss of your friend and the circumstances around it.
Congrats on working to align with hope and optimism!
I'm a staunch optimist who has faced quite a few challenges to that attitude over the past few years. I'm fighting for it.
Thank you so much, Sheri! I love that you’re a staunch optimist! We have to keep fighting for it, as you say.
Also, thanks for tuning in to the live today! I was happy to see your name pop up :)
I was happy to see you on the live with Sarah!
Ah thanks so much, Sheri! I hope it was helpful 🧡
Hi Emma, I believe we have agency in who we are and how we approach the world, so choosing to try to be an optimist makes great sense to me. I wrote on this a little while ago too. We have the opportunity (and the responsibility) to choose who we are and who we are to become.
Some of this was made clear to me as I went through chemo and medical trials for pancreatic cancer. I wonder if the chemo burned off some of the bullshit, some of the fear, some of the confusion we live with.
Anyway, I am choosing to pursue happiness, which is a close cousin of choosing to be an optimist.
Well done, well written.
Thanks so much, Dan! I completely agree with you. It sounds like we’re on similar trajectories!
your words give me pause, especially when my inherent optimism has been on the decline of late. a conscious decision, something you decide upon even when it may be easier to take a different path. i like it and will (attempt) to practice. it may be the one thing that we can control in our lives.
I’m so glad this resonated with you, Chris! Glad you’re with my on this journey :)
I’m a glass half full human. Always have been. Even after events like losing a dear friend at 19 then my best friend at 25. After a child with an eating disorder that nearly killed them, after moving country a few times, after the breakdown of a marriage. Even after being in a very precarious financial situation. Still positive.
I mean, I oscillate, don’t get me wrong. But mostly see glimmers and goodness.
I think that’s amazing, Lisa! No wonder you’re flucking flourishing! 🧡
I am so sorry for the loss of your young friends, though. I know the pain all too well.
I’m so sorry for the loss of your friend, that really is so tragic and so young. This is a beautiful essay. I’d say I hover between realist and pessimist with occasional spurts of Optimism! I guess our life experiences does this to us, and it’s up to us to take back the steering wheel when we can 💗
Thank you so much for your kind comment, Tracey! 🧡
To be honest, I probably am the same as you in that I jump around depending on my mood! But given my anxiety, it certainly can feel like I’m stuck in pessimism sometimes! My Mum says she’s a cautious optimist, and I always thought that was a funny thing to be lol
Loved this Emma! Like you, I am definitely a work in progress when it comes to optimism - some days I nail it, other days not so much! But always trying!
I love it! I think we’re in a good spot! 🧡
I resonate so much with this post. I always experience so much joy and hope whenever I read your writing. Maybe it's not your exact reason for on this platform, and while optimism can be a choice, it's also infectious ❤️ looking forward to reading more of your stuff 😊