OMFG THIS. The waiting. It’s so relatable. This post reminds me how much time I’ve also spent waiting.
Waiting for my father on visitation weekends, always arriving late.
For the grades to be returned from teachers.
For the college acceptance letter.
For the day I was finally married.
For the doctor to tell me my child would live.
For more evidence from my husband that he sincerely loved me.
For the day my divorce was final.
I suppose waiting is an inevitable part of life. Waiting for the train. Waiting for the rain to stop. Waiting for the rains to arrive.
As much as I used to hate being in that liminal space, I now realize that the discomfort HAS taught me resilience. It’s also made me more creative.
In the darkest days of Covid, while waiting for freedom and answers, I launched an online coaching business and finally (after 6 years!) finished a book.
I’m 56, and I’ve been making more peace with waiting these days. I used to feel more reactive to the world and beholden to its power, waiting for “good things” to happen. Now, I think I try to lean in to the waiting periods with less fear and more of a sense of, “Ahhhh, yes, the waiting shit again. How am I going to fill my time?” Waiting, I suppose, has taught me to multitask, to search for gratifying activities to pass the time. If nothing else, it’s taught me to turn to my writing and expressing my discomfort. When I share that writing and connect with others, I feel less helpless and alone in that waiting room.
Looks like we’re on the same page, my beautiful friend.
Thank you for your comment, Mel. I’m sorry to hear you’re also in this stinky waiting room and also about your cancer returning.
I feel like, when we’re ill, it becomes both easier and more challenging to live in the moment. Time becomes more important than ever, but it’s also so hard to live in the moment when you feel unwell or are in pain.
Yes Emma!!! As someone who lives here life making plans for the future, I am constantly waiting. I am waiting for the time of that future plan to unfold. For it to finally be here. And I am always worried that I forget to live in between those moments. That I don't live in the here and now but always live in the future.
Hey Emma...I have been there with you in the waiting room! Do you know what I have learnt recently, it is to occasionally break out of the waiting room and say "yes" to the opportunities that I would have probably ignored pre-cancer diagnosis. There is going to be a day (like us all eventually) that I get that call and I will meet my maker, in the meantime, the waiting can wait 😉
Hi Mark! Thanks so much for your comment! Sorry about my delayed reply, I had family visiting last week :)
I love your point about taking on new opportunities! I really relate to that. Honestly, for me, Substack is a form of that. I’d never have been brave enough to write before I got sick.
This resonates with me a lot. Just recently I noticed I was also stuck in this weird waiting period when I realize I can just live instead and still accomplish the things I was "waiting" for. Thank you for sharing with us!
I just started doing things I used to make excuses that I didn't have time for it. I went back to writing ever since (yay!), learned some coding, got a certificate, study a subject I like for free. Sometimes, just laying in bed and appreciating that you have this time right now to decompress does wonders. I'm just so glad I got out of it!!
The challenge is I know I am doing exactly this and the news of someone passing who is my age will shake me out of it momentarily. I have a good talk to myself about the virtues of ‘living’ each day in the moment and grabbing life by all its glory and then I return to sit in the comfy waiting room 🙄
It’s so hard, isn’t it? I find myself doing exactly the same! Momentarily, I’ll be spurred out of my stupor. But it’s always so easy to fall back in :/
OMFG THIS. The waiting. It’s so relatable. This post reminds me how much time I’ve also spent waiting.
Waiting for my father on visitation weekends, always arriving late.
For the grades to be returned from teachers.
For the college acceptance letter.
For the day I was finally married.
For the doctor to tell me my child would live.
For more evidence from my husband that he sincerely loved me.
For the day my divorce was final.
I suppose waiting is an inevitable part of life. Waiting for the train. Waiting for the rain to stop. Waiting for the rains to arrive.
As much as I used to hate being in that liminal space, I now realize that the discomfort HAS taught me resilience. It’s also made me more creative.
In the darkest days of Covid, while waiting for freedom and answers, I launched an online coaching business and finally (after 6 years!) finished a book.
I’m 56, and I’ve been making more peace with waiting these days. I used to feel more reactive to the world and beholden to its power, waiting for “good things” to happen. Now, I think I try to lean in to the waiting periods with less fear and more of a sense of, “Ahhhh, yes, the waiting shit again. How am I going to fill my time?” Waiting, I suppose, has taught me to multitask, to search for gratifying activities to pass the time. If nothing else, it’s taught me to turn to my writing and expressing my discomfort. When I share that writing and connect with others, I feel less helpless and alone in that waiting room.
Looks like we’re on the same page, my beautiful friend.
Yes to this, yes to your wisdom, and yes to you!
There is just so much waiting! It never stops!!
Sending you love friend 💛🤍✨
Oh I so identify with this waiting room of life. My stinky cancer has returned so I’m not waiting for that anymore…
Each day, attempting to live not wait and to turn the upside down world of cancer downside up!
In solidarity 💛🤍✨
Thank you for your comment, Mel. I’m sorry to hear you’re also in this stinky waiting room and also about your cancer returning.
I feel like, when we’re ill, it becomes both easier and more challenging to live in the moment. Time becomes more important than ever, but it’s also so hard to live in the moment when you feel unwell or are in pain.
Sending you love, friend 💛🤍✨
And to you Emma, love and peace and warmth and patience.💛💛💛
As someone with chronic illnesses, I feel this so much.
Hi Emma, it is great to meet you. The waiting is so hard, isn’t it? 🧡
Yes Emma!!! As someone who lives here life making plans for the future, I am constantly waiting. I am waiting for the time of that future plan to unfold. For it to finally be here. And I am always worried that I forget to live in between those moments. That I don't live in the here and now but always live in the future.
That’s exactly it, Katharina! And I KNOW I’m doing it… yet it’s so hard to snap out of!
It is so so hard to snap out of!
Hey Emma...I have been there with you in the waiting room! Do you know what I have learnt recently, it is to occasionally break out of the waiting room and say "yes" to the opportunities that I would have probably ignored pre-cancer diagnosis. There is going to be a day (like us all eventually) that I get that call and I will meet my maker, in the meantime, the waiting can wait 😉
https://prostatecancer.substack.com/p/so-is-it-still-there
Hi Mark! Thanks so much for your comment! Sorry about my delayed reply, I had family visiting last week :)
I love your point about taking on new opportunities! I really relate to that. Honestly, for me, Substack is a form of that. I’d never have been brave enough to write before I got sick.
What’s an opportunity you said yes to recently?!
Love and relate to so much of this 🩷
Thank you so much, Elle! 💛🤍✨
This resonates with me a lot. Just recently I noticed I was also stuck in this weird waiting period when I realize I can just live instead and still accomplish the things I was "waiting" for. Thank you for sharing with us!
Yes, exactly! Did you do anything that helped remove you from your ‘waiting’ stupor? Or were you just able to snap yourself out?!
I just started doing things I used to make excuses that I didn't have time for it. I went back to writing ever since (yay!), learned some coding, got a certificate, study a subject I like for free. Sometimes, just laying in bed and appreciating that you have this time right now to decompress does wonders. I'm just so glad I got out of it!!
That sounds great! I just signed up for a personal trainer via an app… so I’m hoping this might break me from my funk! :)
The challenge is I know I am doing exactly this and the news of someone passing who is my age will shake me out of it momentarily. I have a good talk to myself about the virtues of ‘living’ each day in the moment and grabbing life by all its glory and then I return to sit in the comfy waiting room 🙄
It’s so hard, isn’t it? I find myself doing exactly the same! Momentarily, I’ll be spurred out of my stupor. But it’s always so easy to fall back in :/