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My relationship with optimism began, somewhat ironically, with a breast cancer diagnosis at age 29.
Less than a year earlier, my childhood best friend, Emily, had also been diagnosed. I found myself following in her footsteps—down a path neither of us chose.
I’d always been a glass-half-empty kind of person, prone to anxiety and worst-case scenarios. But nothing could have prepared me for what came next. Emily’s cancer returned, and just after her 30th birthday, she passed away.
Grief and survivor’s guilt hit me harder than treatment ever had. For a long time, I felt unworthy of recovery. But hating myself for surviving felt like an affront to Emily’s memory—and a slap in the face of my own second chance.
I had to find a way to forgive myself for staying alive.
And here’s the funny thing: despite my pessimism, I’ve always taken bold leaps:
I pursued a music career.
Got married at 25.
Moved to Los Angeles without ever visiting.
In the wreckage of so much loss, a question formed:
What if I gave life a proper go again? What if, despite my brain’s wiring, I started practising optimism on purpose?
Could I cultivate courage? Could I learn to love myself? Could I show up enough that I’d finally start believing in myself?
And that’s what Attempts at Optimism is all about. Not blind positivity—but navigating life’s plot twists with curiosity, compassion, and a stubborn kind of hope.
“You know how some people’s words have the power to truly make you stop and think? Yep, Emma Vivian, you did that (again!)”
“Emma’s Sunday posts are my new morning church!”
“Thank you, Emma Vivian, for your courage and counsel by way of words and personal narrative.”
“Warning: can only read Emma Vivian in the morning from here on out when tears are far from their ducts.”
“One of the most gifted writers I have ever had the privilege to know, and I'm grateful to read your perspectives on life and love.”
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