I think you are right, Chez! I’ve loved hearing from other people in the comments about this, particularly how there is also an element of culture shock just from moving from one town to another within the same country! It’s fascinating.
I liked this because I’m American and was born in America and think I have a decent grasp of all that, but I’d noticed Brits seem substantially nicer. That is through movies only since I’ve never been there. So I liked reading about it. I sometimes wonder if part of it is because in part of Queen Elizabeth always setting the example of how to be, but I suppose it’s rather rude of me to figure that minus her civilization would fall apart. It’s just typical of me to wonder why they seem better than us. I apologize a thousand times a day and not because I’ve done very much wrong.
Thanks for the thoughtful comment, Shirley! I am convinced our culture of ‘niceness’ predates the late Queen, but I can’t exactly point to where it comes from!
I do think that American and British niceness can be very different. For example, Brits can be very friendly, but it can take a loooong time for them to accept you as part of their ‘circle.’ Whereas in America—in California at least—I’ve found people accept you very quickly, but it takes a long time to build a loyal friendship.
It’s fascinating! The longer I’ve lived in the US, the more differences I seem to find between our cultures.
Oh totally, Emma. Thanks for a thoughtful piece. Living abroad long periods of time changes you for ever. It's hard to go back and sometimes you can't go back even if you want to.
I grew up in Sweden with parents having escaped communism in Czechoslovakia. So I always had the sense of not quite belonging, and yet the country my parents had left behind was closed to the outside world until 1989. I revisited Prague recently and write about it here
I can so relate to this feeling of home not quite being home anymore, but also feeling like a bit of an outsider where I am now. I haven’t moved countries, but I am from the east coast of the US and now in California. It might as well be two different countries though! And I’ve met many transplanted east coasters out here who share the same experience. What a beautiful perspective it gives us to view life through more than one lens, I think. <3
I get that, CL! America is so huge, and the states all have such distinct cultures. I love the idea of transplanted East Coasters all finding a sense of belonging with one another!
This is so well written. And I feel that dichotomy even as an American. I’m a classic southerner who doesn’t know if I really belong there anymore. But moving away, again, would mean my son not “being a southerner” for whatever that means. All this to say, I think about this a lot.
Thank you, Nicki! And yes, I can absolutely imagine this would apply to America too, because the country is so huge and the culture between different states is SO different!
I know a lot of Brits that live overseas - who don’t want to belong to ‘all’ the aspects of British culture and further their way to create a new culture.
Beautifully written! I know one thing: home for me is where the sun warms my skin and the smell of the salty sea surrounds me. No matter where I am geographically.
Beautiful, Lúcia. I also love to be near the sea. That’s something I miss here in LA… even though it’s supposed to be a beach city, it would take me at least an hour to drive there!
scrolled past this twice now, and each time, the picture arrests me. i initially don’t see people, but weeds, or stumps, or plovers that forgot the tide
Beautiful read that also hit a nerve - with a son in Australia I know only too well the zoom freeze and, from a parent’s end, that sense of missing out.
I’m Greek, and I moved to the US four years ago to pursue my studies. Whenever I go back home, it’s never quite the same, no matter how much I try to make it so, not because the place has changed, but because I have.
No one talks enough about the nostalgia and the complicated sense of belonging you can never fully recapture once you leave your hometown for a new country or continent. There truly aren’t enough words to describe that feeling of in-betweenness.
What I hold dearly in my heart, though, is knowing I’m not alone in this. Thank you!
Where in the US are you? And where are you from in Greece? It’s so beautiful there. I feel like Americans always tell me I’m mad to have left somewhere as beautiful as England—I am sure you get the same comments!
And yes… it really is this perpetual state of nostalgia. It’s very strange!
Haha it is just stunning, isn’t it! One of my big dreams is to live there some day, so you never know…. Bookshop mooch and red wine Sundays in 20 years? 🤣
All the time. Like I don't fully belong anywhere. That's why it's important to me to create a space that feels like belonging instead of trying to fit into an existing one.
Definitely my home. When I live alone, I can fill it with things that make me smile, things that smell good, certain colors, specific music. My home is my vibe. And, yes, I curate friend circles. It doesn't matter how long we've been friends with someone; it's do you feel at home with those individuals? Do they get you? Do they give you room to be vulnerable? Or do they judge and ridicule? I used to take into account how long I've known someone but I'd notice how they treated me, especially in the presence of others. That's not where I belonged. And, honestly, I'll un-family folks now, too. Because a group shares blood, doesn't mean I belong.
I don't always read all the way through posts, but this one grabbed me and never let me go. Well done. It's as if you speak words inside my brain :-) I have lived away from home for fifty-eight of my seventy-six years. Many different places. When I return to visit, I feel just like you. I belong, but I do not anymore. I traded the old for a new life. As is said, once you leave, you can never truly go home. And I don't think it's about how long you've been away. Thanks for sharing your story.
It’s really heartening to know I’m not alone in feeling this way, as it can be such a lonely emotion. I think the expression you mention is quite right: “Once you leave, you can never truly go home.”
I recently rewatched The Lord of the Rings and The Hobbit films, and I found that sense of alienation portrayed well in both Bilbo and Frodo’s journeys. So… clearly, I’m not the first to struggle with my sense of belonging!
Stunning writing. Yes to existing "in between"—whether in geography, generations, or other.
I grew up on a large grain farm on the Canadian prairies. I have roots there that are a 100 years old. And yet I have lived in the Middle East and southeast Asia, and now Calgary—the other side of the prairies. I've got one foot everywhere it seems. I need more feet.
I suspect this feeling of not-quite-belonging is common to many of us, regardless of where we are or where we come from.
I think you are right, Chez! I’ve loved hearing from other people in the comments about this, particularly how there is also an element of culture shock just from moving from one town to another within the same country! It’s fascinating.
Thanks so much for your comment!
Thanks for your authentic and insightful posts, Emma ✨
I liked this because I’m American and was born in America and think I have a decent grasp of all that, but I’d noticed Brits seem substantially nicer. That is through movies only since I’ve never been there. So I liked reading about it. I sometimes wonder if part of it is because in part of Queen Elizabeth always setting the example of how to be, but I suppose it’s rather rude of me to figure that minus her civilization would fall apart. It’s just typical of me to wonder why they seem better than us. I apologize a thousand times a day and not because I’ve done very much wrong.
Thanks for the thoughtful comment, Shirley! I am convinced our culture of ‘niceness’ predates the late Queen, but I can’t exactly point to where it comes from!
I do think that American and British niceness can be very different. For example, Brits can be very friendly, but it can take a loooong time for them to accept you as part of their ‘circle.’ Whereas in America—in California at least—I’ve found people accept you very quickly, but it takes a long time to build a loyal friendship.
It’s fascinating! The longer I’ve lived in the US, the more differences I seem to find between our cultures.
Your turn of phrase is so gorgeous. What is your favourite book/s?
That is so kind! Thank you.
Ooo, what a great and tricky question! lol
Some of my favourites:
The Year of Magical Thinking by Joan Didion
Educated by Tara Westover
The Magic Library by Matt Haig
xxx
Oh totally, Emma. Thanks for a thoughtful piece. Living abroad long periods of time changes you for ever. It's hard to go back and sometimes you can't go back even if you want to.
I grew up in Sweden with parents having escaped communism in Czechoslovakia. So I always had the sense of not quite belonging, and yet the country my parents had left behind was closed to the outside world until 1989. I revisited Prague recently and write about it here
https://theculturalmuse.substack.com/p/prague-revisited
Thank you so much for sharing! That was such an interesting and beautiful read.
I can’t imagine how not being able to go back to your country of birth for so long must have played into your cultural identity.
I can so relate to this feeling of home not quite being home anymore, but also feeling like a bit of an outsider where I am now. I haven’t moved countries, but I am from the east coast of the US and now in California. It might as well be two different countries though! And I’ve met many transplanted east coasters out here who share the same experience. What a beautiful perspective it gives us to view life through more than one lens, I think. <3
I get that, CL! America is so huge, and the states all have such distinct cultures. I love the idea of transplanted East Coasters all finding a sense of belonging with one another!
Where in CA are you? I’m in LA.
I’m in San Francisco! ☺️
Oh wonderful! I love San Fran!
This is so well written. And I feel that dichotomy even as an American. I’m a classic southerner who doesn’t know if I really belong there anymore. But moving away, again, would mean my son not “being a southerner” for whatever that means. All this to say, I think about this a lot.
Thank you, Nicki! And yes, I can absolutely imagine this would apply to America too, because the country is so huge and the culture between different states is SO different!
I know a lot of Brits that live overseas - who don’t want to belong to ‘all’ the aspects of British culture and further their way to create a new culture.
Very interesting observation! Thank you, Carla :)
Beautifully written! I know one thing: home for me is where the sun warms my skin and the smell of the salty sea surrounds me. No matter where I am geographically.
Beautiful, Lúcia. I also love to be near the sea. That’s something I miss here in LA… even though it’s supposed to be a beach city, it would take me at least an hour to drive there!
scrolled past this twice now, and each time, the picture arrests me. i initially don’t see people, but weeds, or stumps, or plovers that forgot the tide
Thank you! I was so happy with how the photo came out
Beautiful read that also hit a nerve - with a son in Australia I know only too well the zoom freeze and, from a parent’s end, that sense of missing out.
Thank you so much. And I’m so sorry you also know this ache. It’s so tough to be on opposite sides of the world 🧡
I’m Greek, and I moved to the US four years ago to pursue my studies. Whenever I go back home, it’s never quite the same, no matter how much I try to make it so, not because the place has changed, but because I have.
No one talks enough about the nostalgia and the complicated sense of belonging you can never fully recapture once you leave your hometown for a new country or continent. There truly aren’t enough words to describe that feeling of in-betweenness.
What I hold dearly in my heart, though, is knowing I’m not alone in this. Thank you!
Thank you so much, EV. What a lovely comment 🧡
Where in the US are you? And where are you from in Greece? It’s so beautiful there. I feel like Americans always tell me I’m mad to have left somewhere as beautiful as England—I am sure you get the same comments!
And yes… it really is this perpetual state of nostalgia. It’s very strange!
Gorgeous, gorgeous, gorgeous, as always! 💛
P.S if I eve move back, I totally imagine myself living in Alfriston 🤣
Haha it is just stunning, isn’t it! One of my big dreams is to live there some day, so you never know…. Bookshop mooch and red wine Sundays in 20 years? 🤣
Haha it’s a date!
Thank you, friend! xxx
All the time. Like I don't fully belong anywhere. That's why it's important to me to create a space that feels like belonging instead of trying to fit into an existing one.
That’s such a good point, Teronda. How do you go about creating a space that feels like belonging? Is this your home, your group of friends, or both?!
Definitely my home. When I live alone, I can fill it with things that make me smile, things that smell good, certain colors, specific music. My home is my vibe. And, yes, I curate friend circles. It doesn't matter how long we've been friends with someone; it's do you feel at home with those individuals? Do they get you? Do they give you room to be vulnerable? Or do they judge and ridicule? I used to take into account how long I've known someone but I'd notice how they treated me, especially in the presence of others. That's not where I belonged. And, honestly, I'll un-family folks now, too. Because a group shares blood, doesn't mean I belong.
I love this, Teronda! I’m exactly the same!! Here’s to peaceful homes and supportive friend groups xx
I don't always read all the way through posts, but this one grabbed me and never let me go. Well done. It's as if you speak words inside my brain :-) I have lived away from home for fifty-eight of my seventy-six years. Many different places. When I return to visit, I feel just like you. I belong, but I do not anymore. I traded the old for a new life. As is said, once you leave, you can never truly go home. And I don't think it's about how long you've been away. Thanks for sharing your story.
Thank you so much—what a lovely comment!
It’s really heartening to know I’m not alone in feeling this way, as it can be such a lonely emotion. I think the expression you mention is quite right: “Once you leave, you can never truly go home.”
I recently rewatched The Lord of the Rings and The Hobbit films, and I found that sense of alienation portrayed well in both Bilbo and Frodo’s journeys. So… clearly, I’m not the first to struggle with my sense of belonging!
Dutch in Texas for 27 years now and I still miss & usually don’t belong
I hear you, Luuk. Do you get back to the Netherlands often? If so, how do you feel when you’re there?
I suspect a lot of us world travellers never felt like we fit in at home in the first place 🧐
Stunning writing. Yes to existing "in between"—whether in geography, generations, or other.
I grew up on a large grain farm on the Canadian prairies. I have roots there that are a 100 years old. And yet I have lived in the Middle East and southeast Asia, and now Calgary—the other side of the prairies. I've got one foot everywhere it seems. I need more feet.
Thank you so much, Leanne. What a lovely comment!
Goodness, do I agree with you on needing more feet! Perhaps we have to accept that different parts of our heart live in different places.